johnkemeny.com

As described by the inimitable Ze Frank, Color Wars 2008 are coming. I have been assignated<sic> to Team Clear(wiki). Ironic given my rainbow-colored twitter backdrop, no?

 

Today, of course, is the Ides of March, when Anonymous is slated to protest Scientology again, two days after founder L. Ron Hubbard’s birthday.  But let’s look back to the future to Pi Day, the 14^th of March, which is Einstein’s birthday, and, according to Sean at Cosmic Variance, Talk Like a Physicist Day (not to be confused with any other Talk Like a PD).

To celebrate you could read Lucas Kovav’s paper, Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass, which concludes:

Going into physics was the biggest mistake of my life.

Or you might want to see scientists explain their research results on video.  In that case check out SciVee.tv.  In keeping with our back to the future theme, below is Dr. David Frisch and James Smith’s demonstration, atop Mount Washington, of time dilation, first predicted by Einstein.

For more physics phun try the free Phun Software package.

Break out the Tortuga rum cakes and sing-a-long with Cap’n Slappy and Ol’ Chumbucket – it’s Tallk Like a Pirate Day! Now that’s a moray.

First EMC competitor, Hitachi, publishes an attack ad video starring Mr.(“M” as in “Mister”) T.  Now EMC is doing viral video marketing at fun with tape starring Bob + Joe.  Is that a chocolate mustashio on Bob that harkens back to the California Milk Board’s Got Milk? campaigns by GS&P, namely, cow abduction and the insanely elaborate planet in need? With milk prices at record highs, about the same per gallon as gasoline, which does nothing for strong bones (nyuk, nyuk, nyuk), the real question is Got Cash?

Update: A new Hitachi attack video starring Mr. T is out on youtube.

First name Mister middle name Period last name T

I try not to mix work-related stuff into my blog, but when Mr. T derides my product – well it is just too funny.  Without further ado here is the yahoo video from our competitor, Hitachi Data Systems, featuring Mr. T.

If you want an alternate, more serious, view, here is an article published in Computer Technology Review by EMC Vice President Doc D’Errico. 

Marlow: The name is Reilly. Doghouse Reilly.  I’m a shamus.

Vivian: So you’re a private detective. I didn’t know they existed, except in books. Or else they were greasy little men snooping around hotel corridors. My, you’re a mess, aren’t you?

    

Marlowe: I’m not very tall either. Next time, I’ll come on stilts, wear a white tie and carry a tennis racket.

Vivian: You know, I don’t see what there is to be cagey about, Mr. Marlowe. And I don’t like your manners.

    

Marlowe: I’m not crazy about yours. I didn’t ask to see you. I don’t mind if you don’t like my manners. I don’t like them myself. They’re pretty bad. I grieve over them long winter evenings.

Marlowe: Would you happen to have a Ben-Hur 1860, Third Edition with a duplicated line on page one-sixteen? Or a Chevalier Audubon 1840?

Vivian: Tell me: What do you usually do when you’re not working?  Marlowe: Oh, play the horses, fool around. Vivian: No women?

Marlowe: I’m generally working on something most of the time.  Vivian: Could that be stretched to include me? Marlowe: Well I like you. I’ve told you that before.  Vivian: I like hearing you say it.

Marlowe: What do you want me to do? Count three like they do in the movies? 

[ 7 murders later ]

Marlowe: It won’t take ‘em long.  Vivian: What are you gonna…?

Marlowe: Wait a minute. Let me do the talking, angel. I don’t know yet what I’m gonna tell ‘em, but it will be pretty close to the truth.

Mr. Bogart (Marlowe) was played by Alan Kemeny.

Ms. Bacall (Vivian) was played by Lia Kemeny.

Pretzels were used in place of cigarettes in this production.

For Mooslims and Pastafarians it may make no difference, but for those who follow the joke faith post-modern religion Discordianism, the IAU has named the minor planet formerly known as 2003 UB₃₁₃, aka Xena aka “the 10^th planet,” after their goddess Eris.  According to their Principia [page 000015] not much is known about Eris:

Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both), and Nyx’s brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters include Death, Doom, Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.

One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland and asked Eris if She really created all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters. “They were,” She added, “victims of indigestion, you know.”

At least the Greeks didn’t have two (2) “One True Symbol”s like the MOOs, nor did they confuse correlation with causation (in “Pirates are Cool”) like the Pastas (you can also correlate beer sales with teachers’ salaries).

 

By a 183-186 vote, the IAU failed to classify the dwarf planetary object, Pluto, a Plutonian Object.  What is clear is that, despite the struggles to find it, Pluto is no longer a planet.  So there are 8 planets and a new dwarf for Snow White.